dinsdag 9 oktober 2018

Lindsay Graham and the Girl Scout Cookie scam.

It was one of the funniest  and most heart warming scenes I had ever seen.   A thousand plus Girl Scouts protesting on the steps of the United States Capital in Washington D.C.; in unison yelling for the head of Senator Lindsay Graham; telling him in no shortbread of language, to fuck off.  This was, one of those now, few and far between moments in modern times that made me feel proud to be an American.  I just stood there watching in awe, feeling no need to film what I was seeing.  Baring witness was enough. 
Very quickly I began to wonder what all the fuss was about, so I stepped up to one of the Girl Scouts on the edge of the crowd and tapped her on the shoulder.   The young girl spun around, eyes blazin, her little brown beret flying off her head, “WHAT!”, she screamed.  I stepped back to pick up her beret from the ground, then raised my hands to show that I came in piece and meant no harm.  I slowly handed her back her beret, which she snatched like some ferel animal.  This Girl Scout was pissed off and I felt like another middle aged white guy caught in the headlights of female rage.  Sorry, I said, I didn’t mean to startle you.  I was just wondering what was going on here.  Why are all you Girl Scouts so upset with  Senator Lindsay Graham?  The Girl Scout looked at me, I could see the engines of anger churning behind her eyes.  No I was just about to apologise for bothering her when she blurts out, “You wanna know why we are so pissed off?  You really wanna know why?  Well that Motherfucker Lindsay Graham goes and orders like twenty cases of Thin Mints, half a dozen cases of Samoas, an entire truckload of Savannah Smiles, and another six dozen cases of do-si-dos and we are all thinking, Wow, what a great order and National is telling our troop that we may win the prize for the largest order this year and then you know what this asshole goes and does, he calls National, claiming that just because he is a U.S. Senator and persaonl friend of the President. that he is entitled to some sort of governmental discount.  So then our troop leader, just to be polite goes down to his office to explain in person to him that this discount was not possible.  And you know what that this southern geriatric goat does?” I just stood there nodding my head no; amazed at the colorful language of this modern day Girl Scout.  “Well that wrinkled piece of American ruin, he goes and tries to blackmail our troop leader, saying that if he doesn’t get the full discount, that he will cancel the order.  So our troop leader gets all angry, saying that the order has been placed and can’t be cancelled and she tries to explain once again that there are no discounts to be given and then this guy says, well then fine I am canceling my order and our troop leader says , that he can’t do that and he says well consider it done.  And then to top it all off he has his security throw her out of his office; standing there in his doorway waving at her, saying bye bye with this self satisfied good ol’ southern boy smile on his face.  Now, when we all heard this from our troop leader we immediately thought fuck this guy.  There is no way that this motherfucker can be going around trying to get something for nothing from us Girl Scouts.  So we rallied the troops together and here we are to get our order filled and get paid.  Then we are going to stick those Samoas’ one by one right up his Senatorial ass!”  And with that she turned her attention back to the other thousands of the Girl Scouts, alle yes a blare, fists pumping in the air, chanting together… “1, 2,3,4…Lindsay Grahams a cookie whore! 5, 6, 7, 8 and well past his expiration date!”  I smiled, a true sense of American pride welled in my chest.  I raised my fist in solidarity and then started to look around in the hopes of finding a Girl Scout that I could score a box of Thin Mints off of.

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