Lanny Lancaster was born a loser.

Lanny Lancaster was born a loser.  With a large head and two lazy eyes, he was also mistakenly diagnosed with lupus.  The doctors had told Mr. & Mrs. Lancaster that their child was then and would forever be a lost cause.  Yet even though young Lanny had been branded a human leech from a young age, his parents still loved him enough not to purposely leave him on the footsteps of the local parish.  As Lanny grew, the town folk themselves had learned to disguise their laughing at Lanny, as laughing with Lanny.  Labelled by his nursery school teachers a moron, some mistook his liberal ways with toilet paper for just being lazy.  In Elementary school Lanny developed a lisp that left Lanny held back from graduating from 2nd to 3rd grade.  Lanny’s limited brain capacity also left him often as the last child chosen for either side during a kickball game.  But Lanny would just laugh it all off.  Lanny never felt lonely nor did he think of himself as a loser.  Actually Lanny lacked the ability to show any self reflection.  As a less than stable individual Lanny was often left alone but then again loved by many.  For who doesn’t have a soft spot in their heart for a boy named Lanny.  The calling to become a lawyer had lead Lanny to see the light.  To become a leader in the GOP would give him the power to enforce layoffs at the local labratory where a number of those townfolks who had laughed at Lanny now worked. 

              Lanny loved to use his leverage with the GOP to level the playing field with all of those who had called him a loser.  Yet even once he was elected as the Cabarrus County GOP chairman, Republicans in power still regarded Lanny as a born loser.  But, if this born loser could help lift the weight of the white mans burden above the heads of the liberal elite, well then the GOP would love themselves a large headed loser named Lanny with two lazy eyes and a slight lisp that made every word that came out of his mouth sound like a lie.