vrijdag 14 september 2018

The day Ted Cruz smiled and the tarantulas began crawling out from behind his gums.

The doctor and the dentist looked across the desk at Senator Ted Cruz.  The Senator was nervous, sweat drops formed across his square forehead.  The doctor offered Cruz a tissue.  Cruz used his suit jacket sleeze instead.

The dentist let out a deep and sigh and said “Ted, well what we got here is one of those good news, bad news situations.”
Cruz nodded his head and mumbled, “Uh huh, well let me just say...”

The dentist interupted Cruz and continued.  “Now, you see here Ted, the spider eggs that were layed in your nostrils have somehow made their way down through your nasal cavity and into your mouth where they have formed a nest imbedded in your gums.  That in itself is not such a bad or dangerous thing but…we will have to operate and remove part of your jaw to remove the spider nest.  You will be unable to speak for a number of months.  And well we all know how much you love to talk and the people of Texas do need to hear what you have to say.

Ted looked to the ceiling to see if God was looking down upon him.  All he found in the ceiling above him was a water stain in the shape of the Presidents head.  Cruz shuddered, unclasping his hands and rubbing his sweaty palms upon the legs of his suit pants.

The doctor continued.  “Ted, the bad news unfortunately is…is that the spiders have also left traces of eggs in the front base of your brain.  For this we will have to perform a full frontal lobotomy.  We all know what the side effects of the procedure will be.  But you have to trust that in the end it is all for the better.  Under his breath the dentist mumbled, “better for mankind that is.”

Ted Cruz sat quietly pondering this news.  The dentist and the doctor were both busy on their smart phones apping confirmation of their dominatrix appointments for later that afternoon.  Cruz began to pray quietly in his chair.  After a few moments the doctor interupted, “Ted, I am sorry that we had to deliver this news to you but we both have other patients to see.  You can make an appointment for the surgery with the receptionist on the way out.” 

Cruz rose from his chair, shook hands with both the doctor and the dentist then turned to leave the office.  Then he stopped.  Turning to the doctor and the dentist his eyes beaming more ratlike then ever, he said, “but what if we just left the spider eggs where they are?  How bad could that turn out to be? 

The doctor and dentist looked at one another then began whispering back and forth.  Nodding their heads and then shaking hands, the men turned to Cruz and the dentist said, “Well Ted, if your game then we’re game too.  Why don’t we just wait and find out.”

It was a week later that the tarantulas began crawling out from behind Ted Cruz’s gums and out of his nostrils.  What the prognosis for the Senator would be was still up in the air.  If only the spider eggs had hatched a few days earlier then maybe the outcome of the election would have been different than what it was.

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