woensdag 19 september 2018

The day Dana Loesch, spokeswoman for the NRA decided to play Russian Roulette with a her Barbie dolls.




           It was a beautiful spring day that Dana Loesch spokeswoman for the NRA was back in her hometown of Arnold, Missouri visiting her aging parents.  On that Sunday in April, Dana was home as her parents were off visiting relatives that Dana had had a falling out with some years earlier. 
            Back in the bedroom of her youth Dana looked around at all her memories.  Her parents had left her room just as it had been when she was a child.  Debate team awards, cheerleading trophies, honor roll certificates all hung were Dana had hung them back in High School.  There in the corner of the room Dana noticed her old toy chest.  Dana got down on her knees before the chest and lifted the lid.  Inside were all of her old Barbie dolls.  Perfume Dream Barbie, Peaches’n Cream Barbie, Astronaut Barbie, Happy Holidays Barbie, Golden Dream Barbie and Fabulous Fur Barbie.  Dana took each Barbie out of the toy chest and looked it over like a child unwrapping presents on Christmas morning.  Each was in pristine condition, all the clothing pieces and shoes intact.  Collectors items. 
            Dana scooped up all the Barbies into her arms then took them downstairs to the dining room.  She then sat each Barbie around the table.  From her purse Dana removed her 5 cylinder 357 Magnum Ruger LCR handgun.  Dana opened the cylinder and slid one bullet into the chamber.  Then she spun it and clicked it closed. Dana set the Ruger down in the middle of the table and spun the gun.  The Ruger spun and spun, then slowed to a stop.  The barrel of the gun pointed at Peaches’n Cream Barbie. 
“Well then Pacifist Peaches’n Cream I guess you get to go first.” said Dana as she lifted the gun from the table, released the safety and put it to the side of the Barbies head.  Dana squeezed the trigger and the gun clicked.  Peaches’n Cream Babrie smiled into the distance.  “Ok, then who is next?” asked Dana as she put the gun back down on the table and spun it.  The Barbies smiled and waited for the gun to stop.  This time it stopped in front of Happy Holidays Barbie.  Dana picked up the gun and held it to Happy Holidays Barbie’s head.  “In God’s America we say Merry Christmas and not Happy fucking Holiday’s, isn’t that right you Liberal Loving Snowflake Barbie?”
Dana squeezed the trigger of the Ruger and the gun fired, exploding the plastic head of Happy Holidays Barbie.  The bullet flew through the dining room and piercing a hole in the kitchen window, finally logging itself in a great oak tree in her parents backyard. The headless Barbie lay slumped over on the ground.  The rest of the Barbies looked on and continued to smile.  “Bummer, that was faster than I expected.  I didn’t even get my turn.” said Dana.  Then she scooped up the rest of the Barbies and brought them up to her room where she dumped them back into the toy chest. 
When Dana came back downstairs her parents were just walking into the house.  The smell of gunpowder hung in the air.  Her father noticed the headless Barbie in the dining room just as her mother found the bullet hole in the kitchen window.  Both parents looked at one another and shook their heads. As Dana walked into the kitchen her mother turned to her father and said “oh dear, I was so hoping that one day she would grow out of this behavior.”  Her father just shook his head and smiled at his baby girl.

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