zaterdag 22 september 2018

A hut in the woods is no place for Ben Carson,Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

When United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson found himself wandering in the woods, having no recollection of how he gotten there, he shrugged his shoulders and just walked on.
            Humming a gospel to himself, Ben admired the trees and the leaves, the sticks at his feet and the moss growing up and over it all.  A bird called out and Ben called back to the bird. 
            The bird swooped down and landed upon Ben’s shoulder and tweeted hello.
Ben took out his mobile phone and tweeted hello back to the bird.  The bird looked down at what Ben was doing and then said, “hey dummy, I tweet cause I am a bird and birds tweet. You are a human being and humans talk, so talk to me, don’t send me a fucking tweet you dumbass.”
            And Ben smiled and laughed his cute unassuming laugh and said “oh, you are so right Mr. Bird, I do so apologise.  If it had been God’s will for a bird to send me a tweet via Twitter then he would have given a bird thumbs.  So Mr.Bird, can you tell me what I am doing out here in the woods?”  And the bird looked at Ben, picked a deertick out of his afro and said “look man, if you don’t know why you are out here, then you don’t know why you are anywhere.” And the bird flew away and Ben said “Bye bye, Mr. Bird.  Thank you and tweet tweet.”
            Ben continued walking further into the woods, admiring the sky above him and the land below him.  Up ahead he noticed a full grown Buck with a head full of mighty antlers.  The Buck stood still staring at the approaching ex-neurosurgeon.  Ben stopped about 10 yards away from the Buck and said “Well hello Mr.Buck, good day to you.  Maybe you can help me.  I seem to be a bit lost and am unsure why I am here in the woods at all?” 
            And the Buck looked at Ben and said, “Hey buddy, you obviously choose the wrong path to follow and if you’re lost it is probably your own fault.”  And Ben replied, “well if that is the case then I believe that Jesus will help rectify my situation and show me the safe way out of the woods.”  The Buck who was only half listening, replied, “I am glad you feel that way buddy, good luck with that.”  The Buck walked off into the woods and Ben began humming his gospel again. 
            And Ben saw that storm clouds above his head were turning the woods darker and darker.  In the distance Ben could hear the sound of thunder rumbling and a cold breeze began to blow through the woods.  Drops of rain began to fall through the leaves of the trees.  Ben felt a storm coming. 
            Quickening his pace through the woods, Ben came across a small hut built out of sticks and leaves and mud and moss.  There was a small door to the hut and Ben tried to push it open.  But the hut was locked.  The rain began to fall harder and harder and thunder and lightening began to fill the woods with an ominious tension.  Ben began to feel a sense of fear overcome him.  With all his might Ben pushed the door open to the hut.  The door gave way and flew open.  Ben fell into the hut and quickly slammed the door closed behind him.  Using the light from his cellphone, Ben was able to see around inside the hut.  The hut was empty.  No bed, no table, no chair, no nothing, no central heating.  Ben was relieved to be out of the rain and felt the fear that had overcome him begin to fade away.  He felt safe, for shelter from a storm is one thing that makes a man feel safe and secure. 
            A bolt of lightening lit up the hut and the thunder clap shook the ground beneath him.  Then Ben heard a knock on the door.  Ben waited, as that sense of fear crept back into him.  The knock came once again, louder.  Ben walked over to the door and slowly opened it.  Outside the door stood an American Black bear.  “Hello, can I help you?” said Ben to the bear.  The bear stood up upon its hind legs and and with its front left paw removed a letter from under its fur.  “Mr.Carson," the bear began reading from the letter, "you have illegally taken up residence in a FEMA home not entitled for your inhabitation.  As a governmental appointed guardian of these woods, I am hereby enforced to serve you notice to vacate the premises immediately or I will be within my rights to either arrest you or maul you to death, as governmental bears are trained to do.” 
            Ben stood there in the small hut in the middle of the forest.  For a moment he had even forgotten that he had no idea why he was in the woods in the first place.  Ben began humming the gospel again and contimplated his situation.  He was a well educated man and knew that he could either stand his ground against the opression of this great black bear or run and flee back into the haunted woods of fear and temptation.  The Black bear just stood there impatienly waiting.  From behind the first bear a second one appeared and asked “hey man, what’s the hold up?”  The first bear repsonded by saying, “this motherfucker claims that he doesn’t know what he’s doing here and seems to be refusing to leave.”  Ben just stood there humming his gospel, smiling at the bears. “Well just tase his stupid ass and we’ll drag him out of here for trespassing.”  The first bear looked at the second, “You know what, fuck it, this dude ain't worth all the paperwork?  Let’s just get out of here and leave him be to rot.”  The bears snorted at Ben then turned and walked back into the woods.
            Ben closed the door to the hut then sat down on the ground.  Still humming his gospel, he returned to wondering why in the first place he was out here in the woods.  The rain began to fall even harder upon the roof of the hut.  He figured as always that Jesus had a plan for him.  A small leak in the roof had caused a puddle of mud to start forming on the floor.  Ben began to pray that the rain would not flood the hut.  Then he began to hum the gospel even louder.

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