From the Florida Gazette.

From the Florida Gazette.

It was a typical warm muggy plastic induced afternoon in Florida, when Rep. Ron DeSantis (R) was waiting online for a frozen yogurt in the foodcourt of the local mall. Having just help push a new bill that would give pitbulls born in America the right to vote, he felt good about himself and was in the mood for a snack. Even though frozen yogurt was not on his diet plan he figured that it would be alright. That evening he had planned on chasing illegal mexican immigrants around his gated community to help burn off some extra calories. It was a golden age for weight loss and gated communities.

While in line for frozen yogurt at the foodcourt a young mother and her child stepped in line behind Rep. De Santis (R). The woman was fair skinned with blonde hair and blue eyes, while the child had brown hair and a dark skin complexion. The Rep. smiled at them both then asked the woman “is that your housekeepers child? So nice that you would spend time helping a young migrant assimilate.” The woman looked at her child than at the republican Rep. and said “excuse me? What did you just say?” The Rep. stammered saying, “What I meant to say is , this girl…or whatever she is…I can see is not your daughter and well, immigrants ya know. We Americans we need to teach our children while their young and have to build that wall, yes build that wall and make america great again.” The woman looked at the Rep. and said, “I think I may have voted for you but you are truly an idiot.”

The woman grabbed her child by the arm and rushed away from the frozen yogurt stand in the foodcourt. Rep. DeSantis just stood there, looking around to see if anyone had overheard the conversation between him and the woman. Lucky for him nobody had filmed it either. “Can I help you?” called out a voice from behind the counter. A young mexican looking woman smiled at the Rep. “Can I get a chocolate/vanilla swirl please?” asked the Rep. “Sorry sir,” said the young mexican girl behind the counter, “we are at the moment all out of swirl. All we have left is vanilla and strawberry.” The Rep. sighed disappointedly, looking as if he would begin to cry,“oh, well I guess it has to be vanilla then, I hate strawberry.” The girl continued to smile then turned and went prepare the Reps. frozen yogurt.

After finishing his frozen yogurt, the Rep. felted a bit better. He surveyed the mall layed out around him, knowing that he was partially responsible for all of its glory. The womans remarks had bothered him but he was determined not to let it ruin the rest of his day. That night he hoped to make love to his wife. Maybe she would allow him to try out that position he had seen in the film that his aide had shown him on the car ride over to the New Liberty Task Force meeting the day before. Rep. Ron DeSantis is after all a man of conviction and faith. He closed his eyes and there sitting on a bench in the middle of the mall he prayed to God that his wife would do anal on him that evening after he finished washing the dishes.