vrijdag 13 juli 2018

So, the Universe and I are walking through the Hema and the Universe turns to me and asks,

So, the Universe and I are walking through the Hema and the Universe turns to me and says,

“Hey man, you heard they got all those kids and their coach out of that cave in Thailand?”
“Yeah, I heard it on the radio this morning.” I said. “Amazing.”
“Yeah it is…Dude, what is the capital of Thailand anyway?” the Universe asks me.
And before I realize what I have just been set up for, I  blurt out “Bangkok.”
And wham the Universe smacks me wit hits fist right in the family jewels.
“What the Fuck!” I growl. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
And the Universe is beside itself with laughter their in the middle of the Hema.  And some little guy who looks like a burnt cigarette walks by gnawing on a worst and calls us a “stelletje mafkezen.”

“Hahaha, sorry man, I just couldn’t resist.” Laughed the Universe.
“What are you 14 or 4.5 million years old? The last time someone did that to me I was a sophmore in high school.”
“Ah come on don’t be so sensitive.”
“I almost puked up my lunch in the middle of the Hema.”
“Ok, sorry.  I thought you’d appreciate it.”
“Appreciate getting hit in the fucking nuts in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the fucking Hema…yeah ok sure… I do see the juvenille humor in it all but…hey, wait a minute, isn’t that the Big Bang over there by the women’s underwear?”
And the Universe turns to look at where I said that its ex, the Big Bang was and I smacked the Universe oh so hard right where I assumed the Universe’s sensitive parts were.

“OOOHHH…!” cried out the Universe falling to the floor in the middle of the Hema. “You tricky son of a bitch!” 
“AAAHHHHH hahahahaha.” I laughed and laughed and laughed as the Universe roled on the ground in pain.  People clinging to their stroopwafels and Q-tips, made a wide berth around us both. 
A woman in a red Hema polo shirt walked over to us and told us that we would both had to leave immediately.   I apologised for our behaviour and said that we would be lon our way once I could get my friend off the floor.  The woman from the Hema turned and walked away mumbling “stelletje mafkezen.”
I bent down and grabbed the Universe by the elbow, pulling it to its feet.  The Universe is much lighter than one would think.  Once I got the Universe standing somewhat errect I pushed it towards the exit, stumbling with my own bruised nuts behind it. 

Once outside, under the afternoon sun, in the middle of the hustle and bustle of people coming out of and going into the Hema, I turned to the Universe and asked,
“What the fuck were we doing in the Hema anyway?”
“Didn’t you say you needed gluesticks or something.”
“Ah fuck, yeah, the fucking gluesticks.” I said. 
 And the Universe replied “you and your fucking gluesticks. You expecting that shit to hold your world together, forever?”
“No,” I said.  That is what I got the duct tape for.”

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