donderdag 28 juni 2018

The Universe and the way to manifest your own mess




So, the Universe and I were passing the bong back and forth. Sunk into the couch like we were nineteen year old college students blowing off class. But I’m forty seven and the Universe well, won’t really commit to an age. We both had this feeling today to blow off the World. It was strange, I was just about to call the Universe when the Universe WhatsApp’d me and was like, “dude, I need a day off. All the BULLSHIT in the world is really getting on my tits. So, you down to break out the bong, smoke some of your home grown and just fade out?” I looked at my wife who was chasing our daughter around the living room, trying to brush her hair for school. “Fuck yeah,” I whispered into the phone, “I was thinking the same damn thing, man. You and I Universe, we are so on the same page.”
I eventually got my wife and my daughter out the door, took a shit and texted the Universe, “I am so ready. What time shall I come by?” The Universe texted back, “just taking a dump. Come by whenever.” Ok, do the breakfast dishes, make Fbook post on the shop page saying “CLOSED for personal reasons, See ya tomorrow.” and left instructions for Grandma to pick up our daughter from school. I fed the rabbits and the dog, watered the baby weed plants, and took out the garbage. I did what I was supposed to do in life and now, that I still can.
Now, I gotta say that the Universe has the best fucking couch I know. You sink in but still feel supported, just like the Universe itself. With the shades drawn and Jane’s Addicition’s Nothings Shocking on the cd player the Universe set the perfect scene to smoke out to. Lava lamps mutating before twelve noon on a weekday make life that much more electric. I passed the Universe a nicely filled ziplock bag full of homegrown. The Universe packed the first hit into the 3ft Graffix that was standing ready next to the sofa. “Here ya go man, be my guest” said the Universe as he passed me the bong. It had been at least 25 years since my last bong hit. Nowadays I am more of an edibles man, I like my cookies. I lit the bowl and sucked. That familiar sound of the water bubbling and the sight of the chamber filling with smoke took me back, way back. So far back I passed out.
When I woke up the Universe was still sunk into the couch next to me. His chest covered with the shells from sunflower seeds. On the flat screen t.v. across the room was an episode of Beavis and Butthead. On the coffetable a half eaten Domino’s pizza. A big jug of cherry looking KoolAid next to it. “Welcome back,” said the Universe to me. “You alright?” I had to think about that question for a moment. Sort of remember where I was and what I was up to. “Fucking great,” I said. The Universe poured me a glass of KoolAid and offered me a slice of pizza. “What time is it?’ I asked. “Just around two, you were out for awhile.” I just nodded my head and chewed my pizza. The KoolAid was strawberry flavored.
I took another hit of the bong, well ok just a half hit. I wanted to be a bit more careful this time. After my coughing spasm was over and my eyes stopped tearing, I passed the bong back to the Universe. The Universe filled the chamber and sucked it clean. No cough. The Universe exhaled and the room filled with smoke. Like a fog had just settled over the room, it became hard to see Beavis or Butthead. “You know man, like everyone is trying to manifest shit for themselves through me like all the fucking time and well I am just so fucking done with it all.” The Universe set the bong on the coffeetable. “Yeah, I can understand that,” I replied. “If people could just get their own shit sorted and stop asking me to do it for them, then the World would be much better off.” “Well what does the World make of all this, you know, everything that is going on with the World nowadays?” I asked. “Ah, fuck the World,” said the Universe. “Honestly, the World should know better than this. The World thinks it has developed over the last centuries but honestly…ah fuck it, you know what man, fuck the World..." Then the Universe passed out.
I finished the pizza and KoolAid. Wiped the drool from the Universe's chin a few times and watched a few more episodes of Beavis and Butthead. Around 17.00 I decided that it was best to go home and make dinner. Grandma had to get home and my wife would be home soon anyway. My day off from the World was done. I left the Universe a PostIt note on the top of the bong. “Thanks Universe, I hope you enjoyed today as much as I needed it” read the note. I signed it with a heart.

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